Star Gate Episode V The Archeologist Strikes Back
by KateCarter
Summary: Part of my "Teal'c, the Star Wars Fan" series. Teal'c is determined to have someone watch Star Wars, and it falls onto our favorite archeologist...


Star Gate, Episode V: The Archeologist Strikes Back

By Kate O'Riley

Disclaimer: Anyone familiar…ain't mine! Just the idea, that's it.

A/N: This is a continuation of my "Teal'c, the Star Wars fan" series…currently, episodes IV and I written. I'm skippin' around some, what can I say?

Timeline is just before "Attack of The Clones" came out, which was…2002? So, late fifth season, pre-"Meridian"

Second in a series. If you want to go that way, cause they're not really continuous.

"So, I was just standing there, in total shock, and then-" The lieutenant never got to finish his conversation with his friend. Standing in the middle of a fairly empty hallway, they leapt back as one very large, very annoyed Jaffa stalked his way through, looking only for his quarry, not noticing them.

"Whoa!" said one, eyes wide, as he looked after the retreating Jaffa. "What's up with Teal'c? Wonder if he ran out of candles again."

"No, that's not a 'ran-out-of-candles' stalk, that's a 'somebody-did-something-to-seriously-annoy-me' stalk," the other said thoughtfully. "I wouldn't be surprised if it had something to do with the fact that Dr. Jackson was running down the hall a few minutes ago with an armful of video tapes."

Earlier that day…

"Sorry, Teal'c, I'm working on a naquadah reactor."

"Sorry Teal'c, I've got, uh…I've got paperwork to do."

Teal'c was baffled. Neither O'Neill or Samantha Carter wanted to watch "Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back" with him. Why would they not? He could believe that Samantha Carter was working on a naquadah reactor, but O'Neill passing up "Star Wars" to do paperwork? Considering the man's self-professed loathing of it, you would think he'd want to.

There was only one option left.

_I thought they were supposed to fix that lightbulb,_ Daniel thought to himself as he flipped the lightswitch on in his lab and only one of the two lights sputtered on. He sighed and crossed over to his desk, hitting the lamp's button. There was enough light to work, at least, but just barely. SG-8 had brought back a really interesting artifact, a vase with a blend of ancient Mayan and ancient Grecian art, with maybe just a touch of Sumerian. Since all three cultures had been around at various times and in various parts of the world, it was an amazing find.

He was sitting there, using a microscope to carefully examine the glaze on the pot and debating whether he wanted to risk chipping a bit off to examine it better, when a shadow fell over his desk. He looked towards the open doorway. A large figured loomed. In the low light, it was difficult to make out the details, but there was only one person on base with that build.

"Daniel Jackson. You will come with me to watch a movie."

Daniel blinked. "Uh, Teal'c, I'm working on this."

"It is currently 1701. You are now able to leave the base if you so desire. You will come watch a movie with me."

Daniel looked at the vase longingly. "Teal'c…"

"Daniel Jackson. You will come now."

Suddenly realizing there was a faint, menacing undertone in the Jaffa's voice, Daniel decided to go with him. Teal'c was his friend, he wouldn't hurt him…deliberately…probably. It was better to be cautious though. Giving one last longing look at the vase, Daniel began to move towards the door.

"Teal'c…I really need to go."

"Daniel Jackson. You may not leave. We have not yet watched 'Return of the Jedi' or 'Return of the Jedi Special Edition'."

"Teal'c! We've already watched three of these! How many are there!"

"'Return of the Jedi' is the last one."

"Oh. Great." Daniel looked longingly at Teal'c's door. "I've, uh, I've got to go to the bathroom." He began to move towards the door.

Teal'c, who was busy switching out tapes, absently gestured towards the_ other _door. "There is a bathroom right there, Daniel Jackson."

Unseen by Teal'c, Daniel flinched. "Uh…yeah, but that, that's your private bathroom. I wouldn't want to intrude on your space."

"It would not be an intrusion, Daniel Jackson. You are welcome to use it."

Daniel gulped and sighed, giving the door one last look. "Thanks," he said, moving towards the bathroom.

When he came out, the tape was paused on the words "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…" Teal'c held up an empty bowl. "Daniel Jackson. It appears we are out of Jell-o. I will go get some more."

Daniel saw some hope. "Uh, all right, I'll stay here," he said, weakly grinning at his friend. Teal'c looked at him somewhat suspiciously, but turned and left anyway.

This was his chance. This was the third time this week that Daniel had been forced to watch "Star Wars". Previously, SG-1 had been called away before "The Empire Strikes Back". This couldn't continue, though.

Feeling very nervous, Daniel ejected the tape from the VCR. He gathered it and all the rest up. The armful of tapes was somewhat slippery, but manageable. He managed to open the door and looked around. The corridor was empty. He slipped out and made it to the elevator.

Once in the elevator, he leaned back with a sigh. Now what? He had an armful of tapes, and would very shortly have a very upset, very large Jaffa on his tail. Where could he go?

His lab? Too obvious. Sam's lab? Also too obvious. Maybe Jack's office? It was worth a try. He punched in the right level.

"Ya know, you'd think in this day and age, we wouldn't have this stuff anymore," Jack O'Neill muttered to himself as he looked at the stack of paperwork still left to complete. He put it off as long as possible, but Hammond had gotten after him about reports, and O'Neill had reluctantly promised to do it.

He was just starting on, what was by his count, anyway, form #1,853,299, when the door to his office flew open.

"Jack! Let me hide!" Daniel gasped out. O'Neill barely had time to register the armful of tapes he was carrying before Daniel was shoving himself underneath his desk.

"Whoa, Danny boy, what's this about?" O'Neill asked.

Daniel, hidden under the desk, glanced up at Jack. "This," he said, holding up the tapes, "is Teal'c's collection of 'Star Wars' tapes. The original three, the special editions of the original three, and the new one. He's made me watch," Daniel added the figures in his head, "five. Tonight. I couldn't take it anymore, Jack, I just couldn't."

Jack grimaced in sympathy. "Daniel, I feel for you, I really do, but do you know what Teal'c will do when he finds you?"

"Ah…yeess, but I'm trying not to think about it."

Jack considered this. "Probably a smart idea. So why are you hiding here?"

"Because my lab and Sam's lab are too obvious."

"He'll find you eventually."

"What makes you think that?"

"Wow, well, let's see, could it be _because we work together_?"

"Well, yeah, but our next mission isn't due for three days, so if I just avoid him until then, with any luck, he'll have calmed down."

"Daniel, I think he's coming," Jack warned. Daniel ducked further beneath the desk. "Jack, don't you ever wash your shoes?" he said softly. Jack frowned and was about to reply when the door opened.

"O'Neill. Have you seen Daniel Jackson." Yep…Teal'c was definitely not happy.

"Daniel? Why, no, Teal'c, I don't see Daniel anywhere," O'Neill said. Not quite a lie, but…

Teal'c looked at him suspiciously. "Do you know where he is?"

"Teal'c, Teal'c, Teal'c. Come on. What, you think I have a tracking device on him? Although I might talk that over with Carter, might be a good idea when we go offworld."

Teal'c still looked suspicious. "I will look elsewhere then," he said after a minute more.

"All right, see ya buddy."

Teal'c, still suspicious, slowly closed the door.

Three days later…

SG-1 was meeting to be briefed on their new mission, which they would leave on later that day. With the exception of Daniel, they and General Hammond had gathered together. Hammond was getting annoyed.

Finally, five minutes late, Daniel slunk in. "Dr. Jackson. You're late," Hammond said.

Daniel mumbled an apology and sat down, careful not to look at Teal'c. Teal'c, on the other hand, was looking at Daniel. The annoyed expression he wore showed that obviously, Teal'c had not forgiven Daniel yet.

The briefing was…well, brief, and they met in the gateroom soon after, geared up and ready to go. Teal'c didn't talk to Daniel until they stepped through the 'gate.

"Carter, you and I'll sweep the sides. Teal'c, take point," O'Neill ordered. They fanned into the proper formation. The planet was swampy; it looked like they were in the Florida Everglades. Large stagnant pools lurked, a murky brown.

"Daniel Jackson." Teal'c finally spoke after several minutes. Carter and O'Neill were several feet to either side.

Daniel swallowed nervously. "Uh, yeah Teal'c?"

"I believe you have some video tapes which belong to me."

Daniel briefly considered denying it, but decided that was a somewhat foolish idea. He owned up to it. "Uh, yeah, yeah, as a matter of fact, I do."

"You will return them to me as soon as we return to Earth."

Daniel's mouth dropped. "That's it?"

Teal'c looked at him. "And you will also watch 'Return of the Jedi', as well as 'Return of the Jedi Special Edition'."

The End

A/N: I know, something of a lame ending, sorry! If you have a better idea, LMK and I'll rewrite it.

Blurb here. Want to write great stories? Then I recommend Kate O'Riley's "How To Write Stargate SG-1 Fan Fiction"! This is a great beginner's guide, for SG-1 or any other series! (WIP)

Another blurb. Are you a British fan? Then I strongly recommend "The British-American Dictionary" by Kate O'Riley! Translate those words from British English to American English! Keep the authenticity going! (WIP)


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